Stress

So I'm really stressing out about childcare. We're waiting to hear back from some friend's about nanny sharing, which would be ideal, but it has to be okay with their nanny. I've been checking out other options as well. The idea of leaving Elias with someone I don't know, scares the hell out of me. I know people do it every day and maybe I'll get over the fact but right now I'm scared.

Since there are no "big" daycare centers close to home we're looking at either a nanny or in-home daycare. I would prefer a nanny. The price is higher but you may get some cleaning and laundry out of it. Elias gets personal service and I'll worry less (I'll still worry a ton mind you) that he'll be left screaming in a corner while they attend to other children. In-home is not bad either if there are not a lot of kids. I had one lady email me back saying she's licensed for eight at a time, but only 3 infants. Eight at a time! Are you kidding me. So you're telling me my child will get 1/8 of your time. What does he do the rest of the time? To me that seems crazy. Some tell me prices of $4 an hour (which seems really low) and other $8. For $8 I might as well get a nanny.

I think I'm more upset about Elias going into daycare or leaving him with a nanny than I was returning to work. When I came back to work I knew Elias was safe. He's with his grandparents. They love him, nurture him and take care of him like the miracle he is. If we can find someone who adores him even 1/10 the amount I do hopefully he'll be okay. Actually I'm pretty sure I'll never be okay. Carly